[Shudder]

So after I put Ayla to bed, I grabbed my nightly glass of red yumminess (also known as cabernet sauvignon) and my plate of cheese and crackers AND a bowl full of cherries. I had just nestled myself into a comfy spot on the couch and let out my "I'm-super-duper-totally-thrilled-to-be-sitting-down-because-my-back-aches" sigh when Kody sprinted from his window seat to the patio door to go out. Figures. I peeled myself off the couch to let him out. He thinks he's a rabbit hunter so he watches for them from the window and when he spots one, he wants to be let out immediately so he can catch it. Or so he thinks. In the almost five years that we've had him, he's never caught one in the backyard.

I always humor him, so I yanked the door open as quickly as I could because he's famous for getting overly exciting and banging his poor noggin as he exits. I watched him race down the steps to make sure he didn't end up taking a tumble...he's not the most graceful dog, you see. Fits in quite well with this family.

As usual, the rabbit sees him coming and takes off toward the fence to make an escape.

Only this time, it somehow wasn't able to squeeze through the fence posts. Stupid rabbit=lucky dog. Kody chased it around the yard as I watched all wide-eyed and surprised that it hadn't gotten away yet. It went back toward the fence and again, wasn't able to get out so it ran behind the generator straight into Kody who was waiting on the other side of it. Oh crap, I thought when it didn't come sprinting out. I saw Kody back up and much to my horror, the rabbit was lying limp in his mouth. Sick.

I screamed at Kody to drop it and he must have known that I meant business because he came running up the stairs, rabbit-less of course, and into the house where he hunkered down and wouldn't look me in the eye.

This wouldn't have been all that bad except that Dean is out of town. Oh, and that I'm a total girl and there's no way in hell I was going to go out there and get rid of it. When I called Dean, I was prepared for the fact that he probably wasn't going to agree to driving two and a half hours home to help me, but I was not prepared for his suggestion for me to go out there with a shovel to dispose of it. The thought of it made me misty-eyed. I'm that much of a weanie. I actually opened the front door to see if there were any passers-by who would be willing to help out a crazy woman with a shovel and a dead rabbit. No luck. There weren't even any takers on Facebook after I posted the situation. I was desperate.

Dean ended up calling his parents to come over to save me. Yes, I'm ridiculous...I know this. They were nice enough to put up with my wussiness and drive all the way over here at 9:00 pm. Barb and Lee: THANK YOU! Seriously, thank you so much.

And to top it all off, while I was waiting for my knights in shining armor, I looked out the patio door and saw a freaking monster of a spider building a web from our umbrella to a chair. Great. I was already feeling puke-y from the darn rabbit and now I was all twitchy and itchy from staring at the spider. I have a no-go policy on spiders. Just typing the word makes me shudder. However, in an attempt to save-face just a little bit, I decided to get rid of the 8-legged creeper on my own.

I dug around in the garage and came up with wasp and hornet spray. Good enough. So with the spray in one hand and a 12-inch flashlight in the other (what in the world I was going to do with a flashlight, I have no idea...it gave me a sense of security, I suppose...or maybe if the spray didn't work, I could just scream and chuck the flashlight at the spider), I just stood and stared at it until I mustered up enough courage to slide the door open. I sprayed it as I jumped up and down and chanted "ohmigodohmigodohmigod!" This is completely an involuntary reaction whenever I try to kill bugs. I slammed the door shut and watched. It was still moving. Dammit. I held my breath and did it again. Success!

As I finished that little project, Lee and Barb arrived. They went down into the yard (after Barb took down the spider's web handiwork with her bare fingers) and scooped up the rabbit and tossed it while I stood on the deck chanting "ohmigodohmigodohmigod" as I clutched my trusty 'ol flashlight.

Dean asked me what I would do without him. I said I would curl up in a ball and wither away...clutching my flashlight and chanting "ohmigodohmigodohmigod."